Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Black over Bill's Mothers
I came across this on the BBC news website today
It starts - "If the Inuit apocryphally have 50 words for snow, why don't British people have 50 words for rain..."
"None of us - with the possible exception of Taylor and his fellow meteorologists - knows exactly what the weather will be doing when the Olympics opening ceremony finally gets under way next month. But when that fake cloud splutters into life and rain begins to fall on the green and pleasant land below, it's a pleasure to think that all over the UK, families will have a rich and varied vocabulary to call on when it comes to describing it.
Here are the terms they list. I've not heard many and I know there are many more perhaps you know others? This is a list that could replace the Beaufort Scale.
1. Not Raining
Outdoor furniture is erected cautiously in gardens and on balconies. Light to moderate rummaging takes places in rucksacks for cagoules and pac-a-macs.
Women on way to hairdressing appointments proceed apprehensively without umbrellas.
Overseas players on county cricket teams are surprised to discover that they're required to continue playing.
4. Woodfiddly Rain
Outdoor furniture is brought back indoors. Lips are pursed.
Aggressive hawkers selling fold-up umbrellas appear outside railway stations and shopping centres. Women on way back from hairdressers form impatient queue.
6. Tippling Down
Garden furniture is returned to garden centres in hope of getting money back.
7. Luttering Down
Fingers drummed on indoor furniture. Eyes rolled. Tuts tutted
8. Plothering Down
Irritating displays of supposedly barbecue-friendly foods are removed from the entrance areas of supermarkets.
9. Pishpotikle Weather
Rain intensifies.Women with newly done hair find aggressive hawkers have disappeared when they take defective umbrellas back in search of a refund.
10. Raining Like a Cow Relieving Itself
Cows relieve themselves.
11. Raining Stair-rods
Any garden furniture not taken indoors floats away. Reporters on 24-hour news channels began using words torrential and holding their hands out with their palms upturned.
12. Siling Down
Hardy British holidaymakers are finally driven from beach at Herne Bay. Garden furniture begins appearing on eBay. Water companies introduce hosepipe bans, pointing to dry spell five years ago.
So how about
its Pipmly Sissing down
Its raining pissistantly
Pisitively Possing Down
And if its windy too its Sqwirly wet
And final word from Spike Milligan
"The sky is full of holes... that's where the rain gets in.
The holes are very small - and that's why rain is thin"